What a constant endeavour it is, to keep yourself on your toes. To top it, you need to be behind the wheel with as much suavity and undertake every journey on the road, with a prayer on your lips , ending with a deep sigh “Phew, its finally over”.
Yes it is no less than an ordeal to ply on the Indian Roads. Mind you, I have not had the privilege of exploiting my driving skills, on a large scale but the novice attempts so far have 1) spiked my heart-rate, 2) sent me reeling to the 4th dimension; and 3) enlarged my skin-pores to such an extent, that there has always been a sweat-outpour(no, I could never reconcile with it as a form of natural detoxification of the bad fluids from my body!)
I may be the lady but on-road, there are no gentlemen!
What makes it worst is the fact that female-drivers are either looked down as an infringement in the patriarchal school of driving or treated as an out-of-the-world specimen, which needs to be sidelined, honked at, and should be subject to the ritual of “disapproving looks” and “tut-tuts” from every other overtaking vehicle. Chivalry is outrun by chauvinism.
As if that weren’t enough, you will have the mo-bikes swerving past you like street hawks, the indigenous SUVs, cutting across like Ferraris and the metro buses behaving like Juggernauts. Let us not be mistaken. These Juggernauts are not on any Theerth Yatra. Rather, theirs is a mission to send you flying to heaven or hell. The tanker lorries too need a special mention here, as their drivers are always under the impression that they are on the wheels of the slim & sleek Luna moped, which can squeeze in, even into the littlest gap available. What a narrow escape, it would be for anyone, from the sloshing water of the tanker and of course, the perennial leakage of precious liquid from its butt! Yes, its not difficult to mark the trail of a tanker lorry. You need to, as an amateur, as you are unsure about how your tyres would behave on watery trails!
Pedestrians- when they zig zag like a prancing zebra
As if the ones behind the wheels were not enough to send you in a tizzy, pedestrians play fast and loose with the novice driver. Jaywalking is an age-old, much celebrated Indian tradition and, pedestrians carry forward this legacy with fervour.
They challenge you in a myriad ways. They encroach on your space and expect your vehicle to do a buck and wing, to get past without dashing them. (they self-create the zebra-stripes on any section of the road to undertake the cross-over to the other side, in a speeding highway). Blearing honks fall on deaf ears. It is like you are the “intrusive” aristocrat who has no sense of empathy with the mass plutocracy?
Roads are not silken red carpets
There was a time, during my childhood days, when i literally used to be carried awayby the ads of car-tyres.Those, which vouched to make your ride feel like a glide, assuming that roads were rolled out like red carpets. Of course, those ads have been revamped to sport "tough tyres, for treacherous terrains". But enroute a 2-km drive, you not only find the terrain treacherous but also travailing. There is the "road work-in-progress" sign put up at places, where you do not anticipate a detour. A good eye-sight won't suffice, a pair of antennae would be hands-on. Who knows, which side of the road would cave in, or when would that incognito pothole pop up with a nasty snare?
Police Help!, where art thou?
Snarling traffic, overridden signals, bottlenecks, absent road-sense…its like vehicles playing hopscotch on the road. But who has the patience? Everyone needs to rush like a maniac to reach towards his/her destination .
In the midst of this chaos, with a hovering cloud of smoke , you barely notice the traffic regulator. But wait a minute, you do spot him, at last!
The traffic police would be comfortably ensconced in his booth, with an impressive sun-hat. He would jump into action, once-in-a-while to catch the law-breakers, and that would be poor law-abiding souls like me, who would have forgotten to wear her seat belt. While, issuing warnings to my stricken being , a biker without a helmet, would have sped by unnoticed. That’s the law of the Roads, I guess. You just keep moving in your space. Be cut-throat before giving way to anybody and, save your neck first, before trying to save your or anyone else's car.
Driven by what, the drive to learn?
Well, do I still feel like being on the wheel? I would be the right honourable driver of Indian citizenship, provided I get myself employed by the PMO and get the golden opportunity of driving on ‘clean ‘n’ clear’ Indian roads.
OR, better should I just make-do with a detachable siren and place it atop the roof of my car, when I feel things are getting out of hand?
But I won’t give up…As Shakespeare once said “ I will not go quietly into the night, i will not vanish without a fight”…I will battle it out, one day; and I will stand on-par with the “Knight-Riders”, the “Street-hawks” and the “Schumakers”.
(But I will think twice before competing with the fast and the furious)
I will handle this monster of a wheel, as if I am wielding the discus of Vishnu(assuming, that the good Lord would have been in a hurry, before delegating the task, to a novice).
But before that, here is a big salute to all you ladies and gentlemen, who have been so brave, plying your vehicle, on the Indian roads, which are a better site for archaeological excavation. It needs guts, and you guys survive the ordeal every day…Hats off!
PS Was i observing the passed-by or driving? Well, i was pseudo-driving, as the husband was on the passenger seat calling the shots
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